You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
