You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
