can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
