i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
