Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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