I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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