I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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