Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
