i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
