Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
