He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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