On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
