we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize