were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
