my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
