He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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