it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize