I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize