He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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