yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
