My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
