yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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