I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
