I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
