god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
