garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Your face is a jimmy john
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
