Where is the hickey?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
