She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
