the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
