Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
