I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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