shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize