He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
