I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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