We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
