THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
