My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
