what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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