i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
