Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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