Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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