i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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