if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I sprained my soul last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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