Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
