I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
