Who did Billy Mays play for?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize