She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
