If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
