i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
