Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
