Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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