just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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