I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize