She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
