Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
