I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
