This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
