btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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