I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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