Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
