Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
