I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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