I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
