people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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