Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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