In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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