I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
