I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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