why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
