he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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