You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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