If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
