you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
